The Devil You Know
by DeltaLutra
Summary: Different thoughts during "The Devil You Know". Starting with Jack.
1. Jack

Title: The Devil You Know Author: Deltachild  
  
Rating: PG Pairing: Sam/Jack, Sam/Martouf, Martouf/Jolinar, Daniel/Sha're Spoilers: Anything up to and including "The Devil You Know" Notes: Something about "Jolinar's Memories" and "The Devil You Know" really struck me, I love them! This five piece fic is brief snap-shots of what Jack, Sam, Martouf and Daniel may have been thinking at different points in "The Devil You Know"  
  
Jack:  
  
I can't let them take her. They should be taking me. I'm the leader, the one who answers for the whole team. They can take me, do what they want to me, but they can't take her.  
  
I don't want her to have to do what Jolinar did. No one should ever have to do that. If Sam sacrificed any part of herself in an attempt to save us, I would never forgive myself. She is worth so much more than what they perceive her to be.  
  
Every part of me is straining to get up, regardless of the staff weapon pointed at me and the burning in my leg. I need to get up. I want to take their cruel hands off her body, and place them on my own. To put myself between her and the servants of hell. I can't move though. Daniel and Martouf are pressing me to the ground, trying to stop me from moving. Why can't they see? Why aren't they trying to save her? Why won't they let me try? I want to push them off, but already my vision is blurring.  
  
Through the haze of my own vision and the acrid smoke of the pit, I can see her face. She is trying to be brave, but the look in her eyes betrays her. They are wide with fear, and something primal is shining in them. I can tell that inside she is screaming. Her gaze locks on to mine. Love, regret, fear, acceptance, how can a look convey these?  
  
She is hauled away from me, out of the protection I am no longer able to offer. She's not even fighting. Is that because she thinks it will do no good, or because they have already killed a part of her inside? Did Jolinar fight?  
  
I know that regardless of what they do to her she will not tell them anything, but what will they do to her and what will she be willing to do for them? My mind is besieged by dozens of terrible images. I've seen and experienced the effects of torture. I know what it's like. She shouldn't have to do this.  
  
Each inch further they take her away from me, the greater the despair I feel. Will this be the last time I see her alive?  
  
Oh god no. Please don't take her. Don't take her away. Bring her back. I want to call to her, tell her one thing and many things.  
  
Sam... Sam... she's gone. 


	2. Sam

Sam:  
  
I'm scared. How can I be 'a good little soldier' when I'm in the stomach of hell?  
  
I didn't even try to fight on the way here, it would have been pointless. I wouldn't have done any good anyway, I was under the almost constant onslaught of Jolinar's memories. What was happening to me, had also happened to her. I know what is to come, I thought I could prepare, I was wrong. Even if I could have escaped I couldn't have gone back to the others. The swirling orange passages I had travelled through with the soundtrack of screams, and the flashbacks to a previous visit, al looked the same to me.  
  
I knew when Apophis found the memory recall device that this was going beyond any sort of physical pain. I had only experienced, by default, the physical torture that Jolinar had gone through, and I was prepared for that. The idea of physical torture had not scared me, I know I can stand it. Apophis with the aid of the device is capable of stripping away the present and taking me back to the past. He will be able to take me to any point in my past, and of Jolinar's. He could inflict me with the memory of every pain I have the memory to suffer, and not leave an external mark on me.  
  
The device can take me to the time and place of any event we have experienced. I will be able to feel everything we have ever felt.  
  
Did they do this to Jolinar? I can't find a memory, will I even remember it? She survived her hell, enough to..  
  
Could I do what she did? If I had the chance and knew that there was even the smallest chance of helping my team, Dad and Martouf I would. I would sell soul if it meant they walked free.  
  
I hated having to tell Martouf, the look on his face, the pain that I, she, we caused him to feel. If I could only make that right.  
  
Would anyone have the strength to tell Jack? Would he ever know? We are so much more to each other than Colonel and Major. Would it hurt him, as much as Martouf?  
  
Martouf....what would he feel?  
  
Apophis is leaning towards me, the device is in his hands. There is no way to fight, how can I fight my own mind? I can feel the first signals from the device burrowing into my defenceless mind. A picture begins to form....  
  
Please, please not there. Don't take me there. Why doesn't someone come to save me, help me, kill me? Why am I alone?  
  
Please....no.... 


	3. Jacob

Jacob:  
  
The door opens and they hurl my beautiful golden child through it, to join us once again in the pit. They leave her lying there crumpled on the floor, face down to the floor. The foul guards advance on Colonel O'Neill's position. Making no move to escape them, he fixes his gaze upon the still form of my broken daughter. He has barely spoken since they took her a day ago. His silence is not broken, but the look on his face speaks more than any words.  
  
What is there between them? That question has dogged my thoughts since the first time I saw them interact together, it still pesters me now. My girl is smart, but she has let her heart rule her head on a couple of occasions. Part of me hopes that the burns from those times still hurt.  
  
I wish her no hurt now though, I want to take her in my arms and help her. I'm too weak to even do that. I couldn't protect her when they came for her, and I can't help her now.  
  
They have taken O'Neill.  
  
Martouf has turned Sam onto her back and has pulled her closer to me. I still don't know whether she is dead or alive. She must be alive, Martouf is trying to talk to her. He is speaking in a fervent whisper, but it reaches my ears.  
  
"Samantha...Samantha, please forgive me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please be alright. Forgive me. Please don't die I... " He stops as Daniel approaches to try and help.  
  
As much as I may worry about Sam and her Colonel, the indescribable emotion that flows between Sam and Martouf disturbs me on a much deeper level. Even so he is not the one that needs to be forgiven. I was the one that got captured, I thought I knew better than Selmak, believed that I was invincible. I wasn't.  
  
It was I who burdened their attempt to escape, they would have made it without me. If it wasn't for my failings, Sam would not be unconscious on the floor of hell. I know what they have done to her, was she strong enough?  
  
Oh Sammie, my child, can you forgive me? 


	4. Martouf

Martouf:  
  
I watched over her while she recovered, wishing that I could give her some comfort. Apart from a few grazes there seemed to be no physical signs of torture. The memory recall device was missing though. Even with this knowledge I could not have been prepared for what she just told me.  
  
They used the 'Blood Of Sokar' on her, with the memory device. How is she still sane?  
  
She is close to me now. Close enough to block my vision of anything, except her. I want to reach out and touch her, not quite believing that she survived. To make sure she is not just an image brought on by the grief that enveloped me when she was taken, or the guilt I feel for bringing her to Netu. I can never touch her like that though.  
  
After what she has been put through, she is still trying to care for others.  
  
"She loved you..." how my ears hoped to hear a "...and so do I", after that statement.  
  
Jolinar and I didn't just love each other, we were part of each other. Jolinar and Lantash had been together for so many years, before me. I fell for her the second I received Lantash. I had never felt more satisfied, more complete. I thought that we knew everything about each other. Yet she hid something so dark and terrible, that my image of her is being ever so gently twisted by it. My mind keeps jumping back to memories, trying to re-evaluate them, I end up tied in knots. If only I had known, everything would have made just a little more sense. I understand that she was trying to protect me, I should have been protecting her.  
  
Lantash has retreated almost entirely from my consciousness, but I still feel my pain magnified beyond any proportions. My distress is added to by the fact that I want to hold Samantha the way I used to hold Jolinar. The way I feel for Samantha is almost separate from the way I felt for Jolinar, I think. I feel as though I am betraying Lantash, Sam and Jolinar for even thinking that way though.  
  
If Apophis uses my thoughts of Jolinar against me, any strength which I may have will abandon me, I won't be able to stop it. I am aware of what the Blood does to the victim. I will have little control over my mind, if I 'see' her will I lose that control? Will Lantash have any strength to help me?  
  
They will come for me soon. They will take me to the place where a part of my mate died, and where I will as well.  
  
I'm sorry Jolinar, and I'm sorry if I fail Samantha. 


	5. Daniel

Daniel:  
  
Even in the heat of the pit I feel chilled and numb. They have just taken Sam again. The first time she was taken I thought that was it, that she was dead, but she came back. Now she has gone again, I don't know what to feel anymore.  
  
For the last few days I have felt cut-off, separated. I have watched two of my best friends being dragged off by the servants of the man who took my wife. I have seen one returned with no physical trace of abuse on her, but I know she is hurting.  
  
Sam and I are best friends, we pretty much know everything about each other. Of course everyone has their secrets but there are few between Sam and I. I saw the almost immediate change after the memory device was used on her for the first time. When Apophis returned her, she had changed so much, there was no sparkle in her wonderful eyes. The only person she has really spoken to, apart from a few words to Jacob, is Martouf.  
  
While she was shifting in and out of consciousness the only words that could be distinguished from whatever nightmare she was caught in were, 'Mum', 'Jack' and 'Martouf'.  
  
I feel cut-off because Jacob is barely alive anymore, Jack has only just returned, and Sam has been almost totally absorbed in Martouf. Each one of them has suffered. Each one of them has been taken to different versions of hell. Except for me.  
  
I'm sitting next to Jack, he is suffering from the after effects of the drug. He frequently turns and calls for his son....and for Sam.  
  
I feel so useless, I can feel my grip on sanity slipping slowly away from me. When I am able to sleep, the screams which surround me enter my thoughts. Every bad dream I have ever experienced pales in comparison to the visions I have suffered here.  
  
My waking thoughts spend less and less time on the idea of escape, and more on Sha're. Although I haven't been tortured, losing Sha're was my hell. Before she died the thought of Sha're was like a small beacon in my mind helping me to survive everything, but no more. Sha're my beloved wife was killed by my friend, someone who had been helping to try and find her for years. All though it was the 'right thing to do', I do not feel comforted.  
  
Sha're....so little time has passed since I lost her. In this dark place of misery my thoughts linger on her, teasing my tortured mind with images which are already beginning to fade.  
  
I, we have to get out of here, because soon there is going to be nothing left of us to save. We will be empty shells, each of us retreating into the solitude of our own minds. Or are we too far gone already?  
  
I am afraid for Sam. I am afraid for all of them.  
  
We can't die here...we will not die here. 


End file.
